A New Year's Reflection

I used to be good at mingling with people and being able to relate with them, no matter how boring or exciting or plain or unique they may be.

Now that I think about it, now that I see friends' pictures and blogs, now that I look back at my life more often than I ever used to - I realize that I'm not as good at it as I used to be.

Several thoughts come to mind as I think about it:

1. Maybe I am just much deeper now, that although I can still hang out with all sorts of people and make the most out of my time with them, I am just looking for something more than fun and games, looking into a deeper kind of understanding and a deeper thread of similarity that goes beyond interests and conversations but also from merely "wavelengths" to values.

2. Maybe my almost 3-year isolation here in the U.S. has made me lose this ability.

3. As friends of my age come to realize their life goals and who they actually are in general (which is happening to me in a similar fashion), people start to become more diverse and paths and friendships face fork-in-the-road moments when one has to go one way and the other person takes the other path.

In my 3-year isolation, I have developed a tradition of praying with brothers and sisters in the Lord as soon as the New Year arrives. Tonight, they prayed for me, that I may find company, friendship and family with the Lord, despite essentially being alone in this crazy world that I am in.

I am thinking...maybe I'm just lonely. I think about the number of people that I used to greet during the holidays. I'd remember how much anticipation I had for the clock to strike twelve every Christmas and New Year's Eve. I remember the long list of people that I had to at least send messages to. I'd remember the aftermath - the multi-page phone bill that I run up during the holidays. Despite this however, this is how it was for me before. And I found it worth the expense, and I found it fulfilling.

I have been experiencing much of my quarter life crisis, compounded by the isolation, the challenges, the triumphs and the growth, for the past few months and years. As I think about all these random thoughts, it just struck me that despite the loneliness, I have a friend in Jesus, who will always be with me. I have a friend who never gets tired of me, of my rants and raves, of my joys and pains, of my daily dose of insanity. I also realized that I have a friend that never changes - despite this crazy, changing world; despite the friends that come and go; despite the things of this world that come into pass - He never changes.

A New Year brings excitement, but it can also bring the cloud of uncertainty. We are excited about the many different blessings and opportunities that will be upon us for the coming year. But we also fear the not-so good things that may come to us. I am just glad that despite the uncertainties and excitement, there is at least one thing that I know is already ahead of me for this year - the Lord is right before me, and that He will take care of me and protect me, that He will comfort me, accompany me and love me.

A blessed New Year to all

Faith, Family

Our senior pastor would always warn us of trying to make a god out of money, being in Orange County. I believe it is a danger that anyone faces here in this country - with the relative ease of making money, it is very easy to make it your priority and forget the more important things in life. Today, the Lord taught me a lesson on this important aspect of my own life:

FAITH

Today's message was how Elizabeth and Zechariah were promised by the Lord a son after having grown old and barren. This was a fork in the road moment for them - they can either delight in the Lord's promise (to finally give them a son) or to doubt it - to rationalize that it is impossible at their age. Zechariah specifically chooses to doubt, which caused the angel Gabriel to prevent Zechariah from speaking until the child is born.

Like Zechariah, we have many questions about God and His promises for our life: Is it true? Is it possible? Am I too old? Am I good enough? Why me? Will You really do it, Lord?...and some of these questions get answered, and some of these questions do get answered.

But towards the end of Zechariah's story, the Lord gives them a son and Zechariah can now speak as the angel Gabriel has promised.

We may have a lot of questions right now: Lord, will I ever get out of this? Lord, do you really answer prayers? Lord, do you really love me? Lord, do you even hear my prayers?...but even though these questions get answered or not, one thing holds true - that if there is only one thing in this world that we can rest on and trust upon, it is the Lord's promises for our life.

I had a great opportunity to share my own faith testimony to a friend today. I have shared the moments when I have doubted Him and yet the Lord has delivered His promises far greater than I could ever think He could. And it is my prayer that everyone would be encouraged to just trust in the Lord - whether the scene looks stormy, or fuzzy, or hazy - the Lord calms the winds in your life and provides you shelter from your storm.

FAMILY

Thanks to a cousin, I watched a heart-warming video of relatives today who had grieved for the loss of a loved one. Today, I also got an opportunity to share with my friend the love that we have for our families, and how important they are - how each time together is a treasure, how each moment is a memory, and how each one is a gift from God.

With all these, I realized today that despite my doubt, one of the most important things in life is that we have faith in the Lord and that we should rest in His promises - which are true, which He would deliver.

Also, I realized that no matter how much the Lord gives (or takes away) material blessings from you, and although this is a part of His promise - to provide for you - the other most important thing is family, and that we love them.

Have a blessed day!

Sorry!

Sorry for the colors, no time yet, maybe tomorrow.

Good night!

A Time of Abundance

I have been pretty silent on my blog lately. There were a lot of things going on - good things at that.

Trinkets of Abundance

At work, they bought me an all-in-one printer, scanner, fax, and copier. It was a purchase made out of necessity; they wanted me to do all sorts of stuff, which could be more efficiently done with the use of a scanner, and so they started calling it my scanner because they placed it in my room and for now I had exclusive use of it.

Also, today, I got a new 22-inch widescreen, flat screen monitor. Prior to that, I had the oldest monitor at work and it came to a point when in the afternoon, the monitor would just shut down every 5 seconds - that bad. So they got me a new one. They weren't really intending to get a big monitor, but it turns out they got one for the price of a smaller one over the Thanksgiving holiday.

For me personally, the Lord has blessed me with a new car, so now my girlfriend and I don't have to squeeze our tight schedules together and make sure they fit with the schedule of the other. So it's a big relief; we now have more time for work or study instead of just making sure that we both get a ride home and to wherever.

Financially, I wouldn't say everything is bright and sunny, but knowing that my God is always faithful, as He has been and as He always will be, I know He'd get through each time.

Lessons on Abundance

All in all, what I'd like to say is that I feel really blessed with all these good things going on. And I would just like to share some of the lessons or thoughts I have being at this time in my life:

1. Now, I do feel that I can really make it and establish myself here. I was telling a friend that although we've went through different struggles here, the Lord has always been faithful to bless us here and there, assuring us that He is always there to take care of us. And at this point in time, I feel that He has confirmed that He does want me to be here.

2. I think this even came before all these blessings came through, but although I am far from where I want to be spiritually, I do feel a lot better about my spiritual life right now. Right now, I'm thinking that it's not that my problems went away or what not, but I am thinking that now, I am able to put things into proper perspective. I may encounter all sorts of challenges, but the Lord has proven time and again that He will see me through, and it wouldn't be any different now or in the future. I now see that He is in control of my life and my situation.

3. There have been times that I've thought about my life, and realized that there have been ups and downs. A part of me has this fear that with the good things going on right now, I am afraid that the tides may turn at some point. But again, as hard as I can comprehend it, I just have to trust in the Lord's wisdom and power, and His good, pleasing and perfect will for me.

Sharing the Lord's Abundance

Just today, a co-worker asked me to write Christmas cards for the troops in Iraq. As I thought about what to write, two things just got stuck in my mind:

First, I wanted to share my faith, and so I needed to share them the Lord's goodness to them.

Second, I wanted to wish them all the blessings, for them and for their family.

I do wish everyone the blessings that the Lord has in store for them. The Lord is an abundant God, He gives exceedingly, far greater than we can think or imagine. My prayer is that you be blessed with that He has set aside for you, but also, that we may see the blessing in every circumstance.

What we always say in our church really holds true:

GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME.

True

Yesterday, I got hit with reality. All in a single day, like a train-wreck, it just blew me and it changed my thoughts and emotions.

Through conversations, through blessings, through disappointments, through traffic, through sickness, through music, I was hit with this truth:

Of all the things in this world, only one thing holds true: that the Lord is faithful and true, that the Lord is loving and forgiving, that the Lord is powerful and just, and that only in the Lord could we hope and could we entrust our lives to.

Have a blessed day!

Time

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." - Psalm 145:13b

Faithful.

I have tried as best as I can to live up to every word and promise that I have made, but as you would have guessed, often times I failed.

Just today, I told my girlfriend I'll be at her place at around 1 or 2 in the afternoon to drop by the notes she needed for her exam. 1 o'clock...2...3...4...I'm still at work. Regardless of the validity or stupidity of my excuse for being late, it all boils down to me not being faithful to the promise that I just made.

I am at a point in my life where I'm lost, confused, troubled, uncertain, afraid. Deep inside my heart cries out to God, asking Him why I'm in this place, why I'm in this situation, is there a better way, will this ever come to an end...an endless stream of questions that I feel the Lord has been very silent to answer.

But in a very painstaking way, the Lord reminded of this word that had seemingly lost its deeper sense to me - faithful. More so, He has reminded me of this truth - I am faithful.

My fondest memories of God's perfect timing are those moments that something very precious to me, or something really necessary, is all of a sudden taken away from me. And what a better time to entertain thoughts of bitterness and resentment towards the Lord. But the Lord, in His perfect timing, replaces all these things with those that are more precious and that reflect the magnitude of His goodness. He is an abundant God, and He blesses according to His riches and kindness.

I would admit that I am still having a hard time coping with the fact that I just have to trust in the Lord. I feel very uncomfortable thinking that the questions that I have could just probably be left unanswered. But in so far as my God is concerned, His perfect time to answer those questions is the time when everything will fall into place, according to His pleasing and perfect will. And when this time comes, I can fully appreciate His kindness, His goodness, and His love.

Bad Habit

1:15 am. A slice of pizza, a bottle of C2 (which I bought from the Filipino store), a bar of chocolate, and a computer.

Wednesday - I was very much aware that I had to wake up early the next day, since my routine would be out of the ordinary. And so I tried as best as I could to sleep early. Well, I better try harder. I did sleep, like at 10pm, but woke up after half an hour and wasn't able to sleep until 2 in the morning. I kept on walking around, restless and frustrated by the fact that when I needed to sleep the most, I wasn't able to do so. And yet I had to wake up early, work 'til late, and go home and work some more to meet deadlines. Thanks to international business and internet commerce, now a regular work day is now 12 hours instead of 8 hours. You need to stay at least 4 hours more to make your time meet with your business partners around the world. And should you be lucky enough to have your work accomplished, then your 12 hour work day is over, which unfortunately wasn't the case for me yesterday.

Thursday - As I said, I woke up at 7, which gave me 5 hours of sleep. I was in the office from 8am-9pm, which is a 13 hour work day. Had to go home but had to meet a deadline - it's the last day of the work week for our business partners in Malaysia and in China. I had to stay up until 3 in the morning. It was a really, really long day.

Friday - I had to make sure I met at least 7 hours of sleep; it was just a struggle to be able to meet that. Not being able to sleep on time, it kept me waking up every so often. Essentially that 7 hours of sleep was not the kind of rest anyone would want to have. But I went through my day - skipped gym since I'd be so late from work, worked til 10, and when I came home, I tried as best as I can to sleep the rest of the night of. I did. Once again, however, I woke up. I had to get out of my bed since I woke up being really hungry. And so that's how it all came in to place: a slice of pizza, a bottle of green tea, and a chocolate bar. And a computer - the one that has been keeping me up lately, but is also the one that has kept me company all this time.

Definitely this sleeping habit that I'm beginning to develop is a bad one. I'm not sure as to the causes - stress, fatigue, or what may have you - but I do hope the Lord cures me from this. I pray that He gives me the peace when I sleep and the rest that my weary soul and body so much needs and longs for.

New Year's Resolutions

Every year, we make New Year’s resolutions, and every year, we break them.

The term resolution comes from the word “resolve,” which in Greek means “to let go.” When we make resolutions, they are geared towards things that we currently don’t have or circumstances that we currently are not in. For instance, a resolution to go on a diet means currently you do not have a nice body. A resolution to start saving means that currently you do not have the ability to control your spending or you are saving up for something you don’t have.

In terms of character, the term resolve speaks of something exuding strength; we even sometimes throw out words such as “firm resolve,” speaking of a principle or opinion that someone holds dearly.

As we walk in faith and obedience in Christ, we aspire to become more like Him, but like our New Year’s resolutions, we often times fail and stumble. Why? Because we are not resolved. Applying the “letting go definition” of the word, resolve in our Christian life means letting go of the images that we have for ourselves. We always dream of having a bountiful family life, abound with the riches of this world and the luxuries it has to offer – this is the image that we have for ourselves. What hinders us from being in obedience to Christ – especially to His call to love our neighbor – is that if we step out of our way to help others, we might not achieve the life that we have always pictured for ourselves. If we give out money, we might lose some for ourselves; if we spare some time for others, we might end up losing time for work or our studies or whatever we are doing in line with the “life images” that we paint for ourselves. We try to hold on to our time, talents, and treasures, to ensure that every detail of our life image comes true.

This is the message that I heard from church this past weekend – exactly this message. As I go through this week, I think about how this applies to my life:

· I try and paint my life image

· I think about the things I do and see if they are related to my life image.

· I think about opportunities to “let go” of this image by going out of my way to help others.

It might seem that I am advocating for a sudden shift in goals and end up giving your life totally to the ministry or helping out the poor and needy completely – giving up your dreams and aspirations. Admittedly, even I am not up for something like this. There is this important lesson that I have learned, though: When we spare just a small amount of our time, talents, or treasures, and we tweak the life images that we have to give allowance for helping others, we might change other people’s life images – people who have been stricken by poverty, grief, illness, sadness, death. When we share a small portion of our time, talents, and treasures, we may lose a small portion of what we have and the details of our life image might not come exactly as we want it to be. These people, they have nothing to lose. But by sharing a little of yourself to them, they end up gaining much, much more than what it could have meant to you. A spare change of a couple bucks to you might mean a meal to someone who has not had one for a long time. It can even be a couple of bucks drawing the line between being able to eat and having ulcer. A couple of minutes that you get to spend talking to someone who is depressed might be a whole boost of encouragement to someone who has been thinking of ending their life or hating the whole world around them.

I want to challenge each and everyone to spare some change, spare some time, spare some part of yourselves, and for even just a little bit, let go of a small portion of your life images to devote your resources to something more noble – helping out someone whose life picture is dark, due to poverty, grief, illness, sadness, death. Maybe it is when we let go of a small portion of ourselves that we end up changing the images of people have about their lives – to having a new image of hope, of love, and of life.

***In light of Mr. Abodiles' situation, letting go of a little bit of your time or your money may even save a life.

God bless you all.

Benefit Concert featuring Sitti, Julianne, and many more!

Hi guys, we are holding a fund-raising
concert for a beloved high school
teacher, Mr. Edgar Abodiles, who is in
need of a kidney transplant. Please
please support our event. Ticket price
includes food & drinks from celebrated
restaurant Menu, at Metrowalk.

Concert for a Cause: A Benefit Concert
for Mr. Edgar Abodiles

Featuring: Sitti, Julianne, Waking Up
the Sunrise, AKA, and other acoustic
talents!

October 27, 2007 (Saturday) / 8:00 PM

PhP 500, inclusive of Food and Drinks

For inquiries, contact: Aggie
(0928-50286 26) or Vanessa (0919-4394622

All over the place

I'm about to go to school. I got so engrossed in bumming around that I almost forgot to reply to some emails that I needed to! Sheesh!

Anyway, some part of me feels that I haven't done much today, but objectively there are certain things here and there that I was able to accomplish. Maybe I just don't feel like I'm in my element because I don't feel that well today, but truth be told, it seems like I've actually done a lot.

I had a good weekend; I actually had a very productive one. It was also the second time that I got the chance to go to church alone. I wasn't able to go to last Saturday because I got stuck in a meeting, that eventually worked to my advantage 'coz we ate at Black Angus.

I got the cd series from church yesterday, and I really love the Easter service this past year, in particular this song --- "King of Glory" by Third Day.

My time's almost up. I know this entry is all over the place, but I just wanted to be able to get back into writing on my blog.

Recent News from CSA website regarding Mr. Edgar Abodiles

http://www.colegiosanagustin.edu.ph/cgi-bin/news/display.asp?newsid=140

Please take the time to visit the site.

Also, and more importantly, please give him some thought and remember him in your prayers.

How far are you from your dreams?

Yesterday, I thought about my dreams, and these are as vaguely as I remember some of them:

1. Go pro-bowling
2. Become a recording artist
3. To be a legislator
4. Have all of the following, all at the same time: a VW GTI, an Acura MDX, a Range Rover, a Nissan 350Z, an Infiniti G35, and a Ford F150
5. Live right across the church (at Turtle Ridge)
6. To be a worship leader at church
7. To play in the church band
8. Be a speaking pastor

Some are remotely possible, some aren't.

What are your dreams?

How far are you from them?

Make it a great day!

Strength for Today

Of the few times that I read my business communications book, I do get something out of it. And one of the things that I did learn from it is that the WORST times to call someone at work is at the beginning and at the end of the day. At the end of the day - because they are already eager and prepared to go home and whatever it is that you ask of them, they would not really care at all. And at the beginning of the day, because people are busy reading emails and answering them, and most people also use this time to plan the day that's ahead of them.

To cut the long story short...no one dare bother me this early.

Yesterday was one of the toughest days I've had in quite a while. And as it always is, it is taking a toil on my health; right now, my ability to function and focus is quite impaired.

And today as I've gone through my day thus far, I've been thinking about the things that I'm currently involved with. My friends can vouch for the fact that I have this obnoxious tendency to spread myself thinly. I used to do it as a matter of choice, but right now, aside from it not being my choice anymore, it is far more challenging than what it used to be for me.

There are just 2 simple truths in this that I am reminded of - truths that we've always known, but at some instances in our lives, are very hard to embrace and to follow. But I would like to share it with you, because there might be some of you who are like me right now - tired, sick, weak, disheartened, overwhelmed - and this is what the Lord has to say to us:

1. Get the Lord involved in your day - in every task, in every minute, in every trial, in every conversation, in every thought - and do so, because:

a. The Lord does not give you anything you can't bear - no matter how overwhelming your circumstances are, always embrace this truth, that so long as you hold on to His strength, you will break through, and the Lord will break through for you.

b. His strength is more than enough to conquer your trials and your challenges - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. Note that the bible teaches us that we can do ALL things through Him, not just some things. You have to remember though that the Lord will give you success in all that you do, so long as it is within His plan for your life.

2. Stay Healthy! - I have this nasty habit of being able to put up an excuse when I miss taking vitamins or when I don't work out. But what I've always realized when I'm sick is that no matter how busy you are, you should always take the time to do the things that you do for your health - because in the long run, it will take more time from you of being productive and healthy.

As we go through this day, let us ask ourselves these questions:

What are we called to do right now - at work, at home, in school, or in the relationships that we have?

Which of these tasks do I enjoy doing?

Which of these tasks burdens me the most? Have I gotten the Lord involved in these tasks by asking for His strength and His guidance?

Am I disheartened right now? Am I tired, weak, or lonely? Have I talked to the Lord about it?

Do I often feel tired? Am I often sick?

Do I think I'm healthy?

Have I been doing things to take care of my health?

Make it a great day!

Dizzyland

After two nights of not having enough sleep, I had a fairly good night's sleep last night, but I do feel kinda feverish right now. I don't feel that well, and I don't have any strength or interest to do any work whatsoever right now. So here I am, bumming around!

To think that this is supposed to be one of the busiest times for me. Month end, right off a holiday weekend, second week of school...all these falling into place to create one of the craziest places on earth - Dizzyland.

One thing is that my work relies on the work of others, so right now, I am actually in the process of waiting for my turn to start burning like a well-oiled machine - all for the pursuit of industry.

See, I'm not making any sense.

Coz I'm in Dizzyland.

Thursday at the Lab

The time right is now 8:27 pm, and I am at the computer lab. It's such a bummer - my Thursday night class was cancelled due to lack of enrollees. Now, with only a day of registration left, I have to find a teacher by tomorrow that will still accept me in their class. Bummer. Hopefully this works out, and I hope you can pray for me about it.

I got so engrossed into answering emails and messages, that I didn't notice that it's almost 8:30! The lab closes at 9:00 though, so I can still lounge around here.

It's pretty exciting that we're working on being able to give out fliers and products for the Emmy's. The best part is, we might even be able to go there!

I'm so tired right now coz I haven't slept much for the past 2 days. But still, I'm very much bothered by my cancelled class.

I haven't been the best Christian I can be these past few days. I hope that you can also pray for me on this.

I was torn a while back whether to just go to the mall or stay at the lab; I thought though that I'm pretty tired and if I chose to go out, I would have been really, really tired, and it might even take a toil on my health.

The person right in front of me here at the lab is trying his best not to sleep, but he has already been snoozing off like for the past hour or so. Hehe, funny

I could have also studied for my other class, but nah, not today.

I'm excited to go to my cousin's this weekend.

It'll be a very hectic week for me starting tomorrow.

It is my earnest desire to join the choir at church, but I do recognize that it's a lot of commitment, plus there's this part of me that feels insecure about not having such a good voice. Well, we'll see what happens this weekend.

TWO ISSUES ON COMPROMISE: THE RESOLUTION

Finally, I have resolved this issue that has been out there for some days now. I did the very thing that I didn't want to do - and that is to go that road that the old agreeable me would go through. This time though, I did it less for other people; now I'm doing it more for myself. Just in the process, I had made myself look stupid to other people, but I just pray that the Lord gives me strength to remain firm the next time that I'm pushed to the corner (plus in any case, the bible tells us that vengeance is the Lord's).

Right now I'm just feeling very sleepy . The weather here has been at its worst for the longest time now (by longest time, I mean a couple of weeks), and I heard this morning that it'll keep on being that way til the weekend. What a way to spend the long weekend!

We had lunch at IHOP and my stupid pride made me avoid asking the difference between French, Swedish, and German toppings, pretending that I know the difference. And so I ordered something that I did not truly appreciate, although still, I'm thankful for the food that I am able to eat everyday. Teehee

I put in the rest of my computer lab time yesterday, and I kinda liked the feeling of being just a student again. For the past few semesters, I have been taking merely night classes and weekend classes to give way for work, but now I have the flexibility to go to school during the day - and that makes me feel like a normal student once more. For the past few semesters, my classmates were mostly older people, pulling their strollers to class for not being able to carry backpacks anymore, people who wore business attire, and people who shared a lot about the work that they do.

I'm just so sleepy. I wish I could close my room and just doze through the rest of the hour.

TWO ISSUES ON COMPROMISE

I just want to throw this in there --- Yesterday I posted an entry on my blogger account, and it should have shown up here, but it never did! In any case, if you find it out of the kindness of your heart to visit my blog, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks! --- sinigangnacuteisback.blogspot.com

FIRST ISSUE

Thanks to Bachi, I have recently decided on my favorite radio station - 98.7. This thing has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and I am now more religiously listening to the radio than I was before. And besides, now I can maximize my phone, which has one of this not-so-newer feature of having an fm radio. Anyway, about the station, they do throw in a lot of "cool" music, and even if they also do the nasty habit they do here in the U.S. of playing some songs over and over again, the songs they repeat the most are the better ones.

As I was going to work today, I was listening to that station as I've been doing these past few days, and they were having a conversation on "swinging." For those who innocently don't know what this means, for Pete's sake, don't even try to understand it. Being that who I am, this kind of lifestyle is not something that I approve of, nor endorse, nor even permit. But as I was listening to the conversation, a certain curiosity wanted me through stay with it through the remainder of the talk show - a certain curiosity brought about by the desire to be more knowledgeable - to know how people who live this way think, and why they even think that this is an acceptable and more appealing way to live.

In the Christian community, there is one school of thought that tells you that as you become more mature in your faith, you get to be strong enough for you to be ready to learn things that are outside of your faith - what is not acceptable, what is against it, what contradicts it - that you may be able to have more understanding of how things of the world operate, and having that knowledge, be able to defend your faith all the more - being subjected to these forces, you come to a realization that still, after all that you've seen and known, your faith is still right and still holds true, and your faith becomes stronger.

There is however, another school of thought, that strictly guards you against any area that can become a foothold of the enemy - and golly, their definition of footholds are very rigid.

As I was listening to the conversation, I was also thinking about these things --- Should I keep on listening, banking on the strength of my faith that listening to it won't sway me in a wrong direction, but it will only help me defend my faith (that I may hear out what they have to say and I can prepare for biblical answers as I encounter people of these sorts), or do I play it safe and completely shut out my mind from all these thoughts, considering that they might become footholds for me?

I am not a perfect person as everyone is not, we fall a lot of times and get trapped into the shimmerings of this world. And in my imperfection I couldn't tell which school of thought is right, or is it just relative (if you have a stronger faith then it's okay to expose yourself to these things). But today I decided to listen to crappier stations, and just go back to my favorite station when they're playing the music that made me like them in the first place.

"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God - truly, righteous, and holy." Ephesians 4:23-24 NLT

SECOND ISSUE

I am just so agreeable. I hate conflict and confrontations, and I have this constant weakness of not being able to say no. This is one of the areas in my life that the Lord is constantly working in me, preparing me for what we call the "real world," especially the real world we call corporate. There have been times that, by His grace, I have become successful and have stood my ground, and this is something that I'm continually trying to work hard at.

I just hate it when I have to go back to my agreeable self and just to avoid conflict, I'd have to give in to people's wiles and willies. And in fact, I have been in this situation for a couple of days now, and to some extent, I do condone myself for once again being agreeable.

But on the other hand, I also hate the people who capitalize on your weakness for their own gain. And for this reason I've been kinda under the water these past few days, irritated, confused, undecided, uncomfortable - because I hate the fact that I'm in this situation once again, and it was just a simple thing that blew out of proportions. Only if I had said no, that I wouldn't give in to other people's selfish desires, then this situation would have never come up in the first place.

Right now, a certain action is being required of me. Phone calls, emails, decisions - to settle the matter. But right now I'm just stomped - I don't know what to do. And so right now, as I have my breakfast with Jesus, I hope and pray that He gives me the wisdom to know what's the wisest thing to do now, and to give me the strength to be able to carry out whatever He asks of me to do.

I am continuously working on being firm and not to compromise myself. And so my friend, my relative, my acquaintance, my brother or sister in the faith, I ask of you to pray for me, that the Lord may continually "beef" me up in this area, and that this situation that I need to resolve immediately, may work out well, and be resolved the soonest possible time.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil." Ephesians 6:10-11 NLT

*and this other person is a devil...teehee :D

My apologies...

Fast-paced - This is how we live our lives today. As new technological innovations spring about, a new need, a new want, arises. Then we get caught up in a web of chasing all our wants. But even just when you're trying to provide for your needs, you still get caught up in the web of busy-ness and trying to make ends meet. You try to juggle 2, or 3 jobs at a time, you're trying to do more work than you possibly can --- all for the pursuit of happiness, and survival.

The more that you get chased in this "chasing after the wind" lifestyle, the thinner your patience is. You're so tired and busy and stressed out, every comment seems like a criticism to you, each look an insult, and each sound noise. You can't bear people complaining, people with loud voices, your patience is just running very thin.

And this is where I'm at right now.

Just today at work, a colleague was whining and complaining about not being able to get reimbursement that he has requested for 2 weeks. The person in charge of this has been with him back and forth because he has not accomplished the proper requisition forms to be able to put forth such a request. His contention is that he should have been contacted on his phone, and not wait for him to be at the office before informing him of this (and on this note, I agree with him).

To cut the long story short, I was the one who carried the brunt of his whining and complaining, which rattled me, but at the same time, ticked me off. I'm just so tired of everything, and the last thing I need is a grown person whining and complaining to me.

I go back to my room and try to shake it off - the feeling of resentment for the person. I do understand that his attack was not towards me, but he was just venting out his emotions, just as much as a friend shares to another.

I have already settled down, but the person goes ahead and enters my room, and apologizes to me - for having vented out his anger at me. He goes to say that he was just really disappointed that it had taken long, and I do understand that. I had a huge sigh of relief the moment the person apologized - not that I was still holding any feelings of resentment - but the apology made me feel much better.

The important thing about this is that the person went out of the way to apologize. I do recognize it was not at me that this person was disappointed at, but still, for the inconvenience of having to absorb his disappointments, he said sorry.

I really don't like this colleague of mine that much, but this level of sensitivity I do admire. For us humans, because of our pride, it becomes very hard to apologize - even when an apology is appropriate, even when we are at fault, even when we've hurt people badly. All the more it is difficult to apologize when we feel that we did not do anything wrong.

It would be such a nice world to live in if people are sensitive enough not to inconvenince other people in any way. But it wouldn't be realistic. It might be a bit more realistic and probably about as nice a world to live in, though, if people do apologize for the inconvenience they cause others. I know this is very hard to do, but why don't you try it? Or you can go ahead and start small...let your pride down and say sorry to the people who really do deserve it - to the people whom you've really hurt badly, to the people you've been rude to.

For anyone reading this, I wanted to ask you these questions:

Who are the people that you've hurt, and have not apologized to?
Who are the people that you've hurt and you know they deserved your apology but you chose not to give it?
Who do you think are the people that you inconveniently bother the most, especially those who have not said a word about it?

To all the people that I've hurt intentionally or unintentionally, and have bothered with or without my knowledge, I apologize, and I hope you would find it in your hearts to forgive me.

"You will always harvest what you plant...So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Therefore, when we have the opportunity, do good to everyone - especially to those in the family of faith." Galatians 6:7; 9-10 NLT

Frantic

Not so long ago, I was frantic - my mind going round about - not knowing how to make ends meet. Today, I feel relaxed; in fact, i feel more than relaxed - i feel really good - knowing that there are a lot of good things that are coming my way and a lot of good opportunities that are starting to open up for me. Not so long ago I was swamped doing a lot of things and not knowing how to even get things done with the tons worth of work load ahead of me. Now here I am, posting on my blog, one thing that I rarely have time to do.

If there is one important lesson that I've been learning these past few weeks, it is that there's no way but up. Indeed, things may go bad but we just have to bear in mind the truth that the Lord never gives us anything we can't bear.

It is very far before my day ends. I still have stuff to do, I still have to drive far to return the DVD's I borrowed, I still have to plan my forthcoming day/s and think about how tiring it would be...but I have the assurance that the Lord will get me by, and He will make everything turn out good...better yet, turn out great.

:)

Hachooo!!!

Here I am again with colds...it always happens. I hate it.

Anyway I'm off to a brand new start today, in a big way.

I feel so uneasy with my colds that I'm more or less decided to skip class tonight. I don't understand anything anyway when I sit up there. I'll just try my best keeping up with the readings for the class.

Or...I've thought about going to the gym tonight.

I started working out yesterday and this time I'm pretty dead set on making it a habit.

Cool.

I just wanted to write something but I'm really really feeling dazed right now so I'll just probably write at another time.

Have a good day everyone! :D

A Wonderful Scenery!!!

It was April 14, 2007, a Saturday, when we were driving along the 57 freeway. We were on our way to Brea for dinner, when we saw this wonderful scenery in the sky. It is as if there's this light at the very center putting a perfect, defining line between light and darkness...Indeed, how awesome is our God! :D

Midterm na!

I'm on break right now, a 15 minute break to be exact, and then we'll be having our midterm exam shortly.

Eto lang gusto ko sa class na eto eh, at least sa computer lab, may options ka kapag bored ka...hehe.

Buti na lang burara ako. Kasi since I moved out of the house lahat ng gamit ko halos nasa kotse. At buti na lang pati bag ko makalat. It so happened dala ko pala yung charger nung Ipod tsaka yung actual unit so...hehe puwedeng maki-charge dito sa lab!

Ang lamig lamig dito ngayon...spring na kasi eh. Kaninang umaga pa, malamig na yung temperature to begin with, tapos mahangin pa! Andito pa naman ako sa Santa Ana ngayon...so much for Santa Ana winds.

I feel like I'm gonna get sick again, lagi naman eh. Hopefully huwag magtuloy-tuloy. Ewan ko ba, simula nang bumalik ako dito I've been very sick, pagod kasi, stressed, samantalang nung una ako dito never akong nagkasakit. Oh well, basta huwag ko lang makalimutan uminom ng Vitamins bago matapos ang break.

Unti-unti na din akong nakaka-settle ngayon...being in a new line of work in a new place, residing in a different area, having a new schedule...nakakapagod din talaga. Hindi ko alam kung mas nakakapagod ba yung buhay ko noon o ngayon, basta ang mahalaga the Lord has been faithful to me at hindi Niya ako pinabayaan...tingnan mo naman, buhay pa ako ngayon at malusog na malusog! Although nag-lose na ako ng 2.5 lbs. :D Pero feeling ko tumataba pa din ako lalo.

Indeed, we were separated but we are not dedicated. We are separated by the blood of Christ, separated from the punishment of our sins, separated from eternal death. But our dedication to God wavers...sometimes we are faithful, and it is very easy to be faithful when things are going well and smoothly in your life...but life isn't always like that. And a lot of times it is difficult for us to remain faithful to the Lord, but the bible tells us that we must praise Him no matter what; whether there's good or bad things going on in your life, whether it's going the way you want it to or it's very far from that. I just thank the Lord for He's always there, always faithful, always loving.

Okay break's up. Gotta take my midterm. :D

Breaking point

I always believed that no matter how much we human beings push ourselves to work harder, or do more, we are limited by whatever is just "humanly possible."

For instance: We try to study really hard to the point that we are giving up much needed sleep, and then our body suddenly breaks down; we get sick and we're taken back by our sickness for a day or two and it would eventually be more costly for us. I am not saying staying up late to study and giving up sleeping time in itself is bad; don't get me wrong, I do that too. And up to now, there are times that I would have no sleep at all just so I'd be prepared for a midterm or final exam or what not. My point is I know that human as I am and because of my physiological limitations, I am pushing myself towards my threshold and sometimes even going beyond that, and I know that because of this, this might take a toil on my health. (If there are times that I don't sleep for instance, the next day, after say, my exam, I would take the rest of the day off and I'll just sleep throughout the day).

And I am not just talking about studying. There are people who, say, juggle studying and working, or juggling several jobs altogether...and again, don't get me wrong. I admire people who work their very best and are able to do a lot of things all at the same time.

The point that I'm driving at is that we have our limitations, and no matter how much we psych ourselves into believing that we are like supermen and women or that we can conquer the world, there is just so much that we can accomplish. We can never conquer the world...

it is only the Lord who can do that for us.

For those of us who push ourselves too hard and that we start getting unhealthy, not only physically but also spiritually (maybe we're too tired or busy to even talk to the Lord or hear from His word), then, we must be humble enough to recognize that it is only through His grace and His strength that we're able to get by each day, that we're able to accomplish tasks and get our work done, that we're able to wake up each day and keep on breathing. Without the Lord, WE CAN DO NOTHING.

Now, there are several reasons why we push ourselves. One is that we want more in life; we know we already have enough to get by each day, but we are looking for what we call "a better life" and try to make more money or try to prepare more for that job we're looking at that will achieve just that. Also, we push ourselves too much because people just expect us to. But also, we need to push ourselves too much just because we need to; because it is the means of our survival. And that's where I'm at right now.

I've been driving like crazy for the past 2 weeks, waking up at 5:30, leaving at 6:30, taking a two and a half hour drive, doing some work, leaving at 4, taking another two and a half hour drive, and then arriving at school at 6, take my class all the way til 10 pm, drive my way home, and then just sleep and the cycle goes on the next day, and the next...

And today was just my breaking point. Coming from a long weekend, I should've been healthy and well-rested but now I'm just sick. That routine for two weeks has taken a toil on my health, and I knew it was possibly going to happen. I even had second thoughts about staying home today to rest, but again, I was just too tired and too weak to leave the house.

And the more challenging part about my situation is that I just don't get tired because of the drive or the work that I do or my studies, but also with the myriad of problems that I have right now, my might just can't stop thinking about so many things and even when I'm just lying down in my bed I feel really stressed about a lot of things that are going on...

At this point in time, I am just really confused, and I just don't know what to do.

But I do know one thing: I am at one of my breaking points, and probably the Lord wants to have a long chat with me about my situation, and I do too.

I just have one earnest prayer for today, that when tomorrow comes, when this breaking point of mine is over, that the Lord will break through my life and my situation, and that He will reveal Himself through my circumstances in a powerful and a miraculous way.

I'm sorry!

How my day went...

I woke up the usual time, and got a major blessing to start my day right. There is this provision that I was expecting for a few more days, but it came in much, much earlier! It came in first thing in the morning...TODAY!!! So I praise God for that! :)

Next thing I know is that my online account has been already updated and hmmm...some checks I wrote finally cleared and some purchases I made had been reflected already...but still, praise God for how He has been providing for me all this time!

Then, I got into my devotion and the Lord's message was loud and clear...it has been a message that He has continually impressed on my heart at the beginning of the year, and He continually exhorts me with it, and it is this message:

All things are possible through Christ, but without Him, we cannot do anything.

Today's message is about repentance (you can read my other entry). When we are experiencing extreme difficulty and it seems that there's no way out, maybe, the Lord is just calling our attention and needs for us to repent, and He will prove that no matter how impossible your situation may seem, all things are possible through Him!

Next...I went on to watch my shows, ate lunch, and then watched my new favorite, Reba!

And then I had to go to Chino Hills...

Went home, went online, and here I am writing another entry today.

I've been sick for some days now, like, sick really bad, that's why I know I should be resting...but this internet thing is just so addictive! Hehe or say this blog thing. So I know I should be asleep by now, but I just couldn't resist it! I'm sorry!

Good night! :D

God is Callling

In Genesis 35, we see that Jacob with all his household returns to Bethel, the place where the Lord appeared to him. Before they start moving though, he does some "spiritual housecleaning" ordering his people to leave any idols before they proceed with their journey.

The beautiful thing about having a relationship with the Lord is that we have a God who is willing and able to forgive us of our faults, we just need to humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and ask for forgiveness, and we just need to do some spiritual housecleaning. And as soon as we repent with our sins, the Lord channels His blessings through our lives, some of which as we can see with Jacob's life in today's scripture reading:

1. RENEWAL - God appeared a second time to Jacob, and told him that from now on his name will become Israel. Note that his old name Jacob, sounds like the Hebrew word for deceiver. The Lord changes his name to Israel which meant "God fights" or God will fight for Him.

2. GLORY, HONOR, AND POWER - In verse 11, the Lord says to Jacob, "You will become a great nation, even many nations. Kings will be among your descendants." The Lord promises that He will bring greatness to his nation and that his descendants will be in the seats of glory, honor, and power.

3. PROVISION AND ABUNDANCE - In verse 12, the Lord promises that He will give Jacob the land that He gave his descendants.

If we repent of our sins, if we do some spiritual housecleaning, the Lord is more than willing and able to channel all these very same things in our lives.

I do not intend to lead people though into thinking that the only reason why they should repent of their sins is for the Lord to give them renewal, glory, honor, and power, and provision and abundance. Let us remember that we have a God who is perfect and who deserves perfection, and that is the very reason why we come clean when we sin and repent, that He may cleanse us from our sins.

One thing that strikes me the most though is maybe there is some area in your life that you're struggling with...there is a certain feeling of guilt on your part and you just feel bothered and uncomfortable, maybe because of a broken relationship or something that you have done. It could probably be that you dream of being in a place of prestige, or in a position of power someday, and you seem so far from that dream and it seems impossible to get there. Or simply, there are necessities in your life that you just can't find a way to make ends meet. Maybe these things haven't flown into our lives yet because we still haven't done some spiritual housecleaning and haven't repented for our sins.

Let us examine our lives and look at the areas where we need to be humble and repent on. It is not that the Lord intentionally wants to punish us and give us hardships, but sometimes, in our own stubborness, in our own numbness and insensitivity to His promptings, maybe the difficulties (could be guilt, struggles, emptiness, sickness, tragedy, etc.) in our lives is His way of reminding us that all the things that we ever ask for are things that we can only have through Him. And it starts with a relationship with Him. A relationship where we can be humble and where we repent, and He is always there to forgive.

Are there any hardships in your life right now? Better check your spiritual phones. Maybe God is calling.

Random Thoughts

It's really late here but I don't feel like sleeping...

1. I accidentally broke my favorite church DVD. Shucks.

2. I finally found my Ipod. I thought I left it at Dom's car, but apparently, it was just right at our own car. Yey!

3. I've been looking through schools since I might need to finish my B.S. in
Accounting. U.C. Irvine doesn't offer an accounting degree though. Shucks. Good thing is that they offer it at Cal State Fullerton or Cal Poly Pomona. Yey!

4. We didn't play badminton today, we might play next saturday though.

5. My room is still a mess (as always).

6. I should remember it's mom's birthday on Thursday (Wednesday here).

7. Tita Tess called me today to check how am I doing.

8. We watched my super ex-girlfriend or whatever that movie is, it's not that good, at least I got to eat pizza. Yey!

9. It's still freezing cold as of today.

10. Tomorrow is again a free day for our church devotional. No assigned scripture reading for the day (well it would have been the Sunday sermon but we already went to the Saturday night service, which by the way, is where the really cool people go to :D). And so I do hope the Lord will speak to me powerfully tomorrow despite this (as He has done last week) and I'm looking forward to another Sabbath day in my faith journey.

:D

Nothingness...

Praise God for when we have nothing, it is then that we realize that the Lord is everything and that He is all that we need. When we feel empty and there is a void in us, we realize that He is more than enough and He is more than we can ask for.

:D

All Yours

(For today's reference, you can go to http://www.marinerschurch.org/ and look for today's message by Pastor Bruce Nelson about the Alabaster Jar)

The Lord owns everything in this world. He owns our lives, the food that we eat, the people that we love, the talents that we have, the money that we earn...In fact, He owns not only the whole world or the whole universe but all of creation belongs to God.

When we recognize that everything belongs to Him, generosity comes in easier. It would be easier to let go of our possessions knowing that they are not ours but the Lord's, and He has given it to us with the intention of blessing other people. He simply uses us as stewards, He blesses us that we may bless other people. It is also easier for us to share ourselves with others: our time, our talents, and everything that the Lord has blessed us with.

It is a common understanding that when we recognize that God owns everything, it always touches our lives in light of generosity and giving and charity. There is one thing though that I realized as I reflect upon today's message at church.

It is also best that we recognize that the Lord owns everything in light of our needs. Everyday we just pray for the Lord's provision...we pray that He will provide us money, or that job, or that car, or whatever needs we have for each day. Sometimes it seems that the Lord has hidden from us or has abandoned us; there are times that we so badly need His provision, and yet our prayers seem unanswered.

We must recognize though that that money you've been praying for...the Lord owns that money. Or the job that you've been praying for, the Lord is the one who owns that company where you've found a job you wanted or needed. How about that car? The Lord is the dealer of that car and the keys are in His hands.

Whatever your needs are, always know that the Lord owns everything, and we must be thankful for this because He who owns everything is generous and abundant, and is someone who is just willing to bless us according to His faithfulness and not ours.

Sometimes our prayers seem unanswered. Sometimes we feel that that package of provision and blessing that the Lord has in store for us was shipped and sent some place else or went to the hands of another.

But always remember that the Lord is FOREVER FAITHFUL and He is never early, and never late. And at that moment that we are left with nothing and there is just so much that we need, we can always pray this prayer...

"Lord, I know all these things that I need and I've been praying for, I know they are ALL YOURS, and I just trust Your timing and Your sovereign will for me, that in Your right time all things will fall into place, and all things will work out for Your greater glory."

The Return of Sinigang na Cute

Sinigang na cute is back!

This is an offshoot from my 2 previous blogs:

sinigangnacute.blogspot.com
barbecuechickenburger.blogspot.com

I started with the first blog as a requirement in my pop culture class...got the hang of it went on with a second blog.

Now, I'm back with a third one! And I hope this will last longer than the previous ones... :D

I've really wanted to go back to blogging for sometime now...although I just couldn't find the time. Now it's all different. I just have so much time to spare!!! And so here I am.

Aside from that, there is a second and third reason why I have this blog...

#2: I've been into a great faith journey for the past year or 2...and I've always looked forward to putting in my thoughts and emotions into my blog.

#3: We're starting on a new journal at church called Destinations. I've started with it recently...and I thought I'd be more attentive to my devotions (i.e. try and look back at my previous journal entries and reflect on them, see how I've changed from that time I put in one entry to the present...things of that sort) if I put them here.

So it is with great pleasure that I invite you to join me on my faith journey.

:D