Breaking point

I always believed that no matter how much we human beings push ourselves to work harder, or do more, we are limited by whatever is just "humanly possible."

For instance: We try to study really hard to the point that we are giving up much needed sleep, and then our body suddenly breaks down; we get sick and we're taken back by our sickness for a day or two and it would eventually be more costly for us. I am not saying staying up late to study and giving up sleeping time in itself is bad; don't get me wrong, I do that too. And up to now, there are times that I would have no sleep at all just so I'd be prepared for a midterm or final exam or what not. My point is I know that human as I am and because of my physiological limitations, I am pushing myself towards my threshold and sometimes even going beyond that, and I know that because of this, this might take a toil on my health. (If there are times that I don't sleep for instance, the next day, after say, my exam, I would take the rest of the day off and I'll just sleep throughout the day).

And I am not just talking about studying. There are people who, say, juggle studying and working, or juggling several jobs altogether...and again, don't get me wrong. I admire people who work their very best and are able to do a lot of things all at the same time.

The point that I'm driving at is that we have our limitations, and no matter how much we psych ourselves into believing that we are like supermen and women or that we can conquer the world, there is just so much that we can accomplish. We can never conquer the world...

it is only the Lord who can do that for us.

For those of us who push ourselves too hard and that we start getting unhealthy, not only physically but also spiritually (maybe we're too tired or busy to even talk to the Lord or hear from His word), then, we must be humble enough to recognize that it is only through His grace and His strength that we're able to get by each day, that we're able to accomplish tasks and get our work done, that we're able to wake up each day and keep on breathing. Without the Lord, WE CAN DO NOTHING.

Now, there are several reasons why we push ourselves. One is that we want more in life; we know we already have enough to get by each day, but we are looking for what we call "a better life" and try to make more money or try to prepare more for that job we're looking at that will achieve just that. Also, we push ourselves too much because people just expect us to. But also, we need to push ourselves too much just because we need to; because it is the means of our survival. And that's where I'm at right now.

I've been driving like crazy for the past 2 weeks, waking up at 5:30, leaving at 6:30, taking a two and a half hour drive, doing some work, leaving at 4, taking another two and a half hour drive, and then arriving at school at 6, take my class all the way til 10 pm, drive my way home, and then just sleep and the cycle goes on the next day, and the next...

And today was just my breaking point. Coming from a long weekend, I should've been healthy and well-rested but now I'm just sick. That routine for two weeks has taken a toil on my health, and I knew it was possibly going to happen. I even had second thoughts about staying home today to rest, but again, I was just too tired and too weak to leave the house.

And the more challenging part about my situation is that I just don't get tired because of the drive or the work that I do or my studies, but also with the myriad of problems that I have right now, my might just can't stop thinking about so many things and even when I'm just lying down in my bed I feel really stressed about a lot of things that are going on...

At this point in time, I am just really confused, and I just don't know what to do.

But I do know one thing: I am at one of my breaking points, and probably the Lord wants to have a long chat with me about my situation, and I do too.

I just have one earnest prayer for today, that when tomorrow comes, when this breaking point of mine is over, that the Lord will break through my life and my situation, and that He will reveal Himself through my circumstances in a powerful and a miraculous way.