A New Year's Reflection

I used to be good at mingling with people and being able to relate with them, no matter how boring or exciting or plain or unique they may be.

Now that I think about it, now that I see friends' pictures and blogs, now that I look back at my life more often than I ever used to - I realize that I'm not as good at it as I used to be.

Several thoughts come to mind as I think about it:

1. Maybe I am just much deeper now, that although I can still hang out with all sorts of people and make the most out of my time with them, I am just looking for something more than fun and games, looking into a deeper kind of understanding and a deeper thread of similarity that goes beyond interests and conversations but also from merely "wavelengths" to values.

2. Maybe my almost 3-year isolation here in the U.S. has made me lose this ability.

3. As friends of my age come to realize their life goals and who they actually are in general (which is happening to me in a similar fashion), people start to become more diverse and paths and friendships face fork-in-the-road moments when one has to go one way and the other person takes the other path.

In my 3-year isolation, I have developed a tradition of praying with brothers and sisters in the Lord as soon as the New Year arrives. Tonight, they prayed for me, that I may find company, friendship and family with the Lord, despite essentially being alone in this crazy world that I am in.

I am thinking...maybe I'm just lonely. I think about the number of people that I used to greet during the holidays. I'd remember how much anticipation I had for the clock to strike twelve every Christmas and New Year's Eve. I remember the long list of people that I had to at least send messages to. I'd remember the aftermath - the multi-page phone bill that I run up during the holidays. Despite this however, this is how it was for me before. And I found it worth the expense, and I found it fulfilling.

I have been experiencing much of my quarter life crisis, compounded by the isolation, the challenges, the triumphs and the growth, for the past few months and years. As I think about all these random thoughts, it just struck me that despite the loneliness, I have a friend in Jesus, who will always be with me. I have a friend who never gets tired of me, of my rants and raves, of my joys and pains, of my daily dose of insanity. I also realized that I have a friend that never changes - despite this crazy, changing world; despite the friends that come and go; despite the things of this world that come into pass - He never changes.

A New Year brings excitement, but it can also bring the cloud of uncertainty. We are excited about the many different blessings and opportunities that will be upon us for the coming year. But we also fear the not-so good things that may come to us. I am just glad that despite the uncertainties and excitement, there is at least one thing that I know is already ahead of me for this year - the Lord is right before me, and that He will take care of me and protect me, that He will comfort me, accompany me and love me.

A blessed New Year to all